The grandest afternoon breakfast you’ll ever have!

Posted on May 12, 2012 by Anthony Winyard

At a few recent weddings I have performed at recently there have been many guests from overseas, and on more than one occasion there was a little confusion from some of them as to why the meal at a UK wedding is known as a Wedding Breakfast.

The earliest usage of the term seems to be around the 16th Century, and it stems from the fact the wedding service is a Mass and therefore the bride and bridegroom were expected to to have been fasting since daybreak, so for them it literally was a Break Fast, and this was the situation for at least a couple of different religions including Catholicism. The situation was different though for most of the guests who wouldn’t have been expecting to be fasting and so they would have likely already eaten since waking.

The term is familiar in Britain, Australia, Germany, Austria and Scandinavia and some English speaking countries with the exception of the USA.

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Throwing one of your shoes over your shoulder!

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Anthony Winyard

It wasn’t that long ago that at most weddings the guests would tie shoes, tin cans etc to the back of the newlyweds car. The origins of this custom are like the origins of the majority of wedding traditions, steeped in superstition.

In the Tudor period in England guests would throw shoes at the newlywed couple! It was considered good luck if they could hit the carriage or the couple!

Even further back, the father of the bride would pass on a pair of the brides shoes to the bridegroom. This symbolised the passing of responsibility from the father to the new husband, and a variation of this was for the bridegroom to tap the bride on the forehead with one of the shoes to assert his dominance!! (I can just imagine the scenes in the church if the groom tried this these days!).

The tradition of the throwing of the bouquet originally started with throwing one of the brides shoes over her shoulder.

And the reason for tying shoes, cans and other assorted objects to the back of the carriage? It was generally considered that the guests had to make as much noise as possible as the new couple departed the wedding venue to scare off the evil spirits from bothering the couple, and so bells, horns, fireworks and other things were used to create a racket!

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The colour of the wedding dress!

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Anthony Winyard

Most brides today marry in white which symbolises maidenhood. This tradition was started by the rich in the sixteenth century. The tradition was taken to a new level when Queen Victoria chose to marry in white instead of silver (which was the traditional colour of Royal brides). Before the white dress, brides wore their best dress. The colour was a matter of preference. The following is a traditional rhyme offering advice on dress colour:

bride in white dress

 

Married in White, you have chosen right,
Married in Blue, your love will always be true,
Married in Pearl, you will live in a whirl,
Married in Brown, you will live in town,
Married in Red, you will wish yourself dead,
Married in Yellow, ashamed of your fellow,
Married in Green, ashamed to be seen,
Married in Pink, your spirit will sink,
Married in Grey, you will go far away,
Married in Black, you will wish yourself back.

 

A green dress is thought to be unlucky unless the bride is Irish. The old expression that a woman has a ‘green gown’ was used to imply promiscuity, the green staining being due to rolling in grassy fields!

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Finding the right venue

Posted on March 15, 2012 by Anthony Winyard

If you’re finding it difficult to find a venue that fits within your budget, an alternative to booking a fancy hotel is to hire a social club/community centre, and then transforming it with your imagination and the fantastic range of decor now available, to really enhance what was a dull room!

#WeddingTip

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The value of a wedding DJ

Posted on March 7, 2012 by Tony

When two people get engaged and then begin planning a wedding it can at first seem extremely daunting, faced with the enormity of organising such a huge event, and very often without any experience of organising anything this big, it is very easy for it to get quite overwhelming especially with all the advice, much of it conflicting, that is offered by so many people. A multitude of things have to be done and what to do first? It can quickly get quite stressful.

With so much to do, the entertainment can easily get overlooked in the early stages. Additionally as most people will never have booked entertainment before, that can be another reason to put it off because of being unsure how to go about finding the right entertainment.

In most cases the first decision will come down to choosing between having a band or a DJ for the wedding entertainment, and once that has been decided how do you then go about finding the right DJ or band? What questions would you ask? How much will it cost? What things are standard?!… if you haven’t experience of booking this before you often won’t know where to start, or on what to base a decision? Is it just a case of plucking a figure from the air with regards to what to spend? And how should you decide what percentage of the total budget should be allocated to the entertainment? So much to think about!

For those thinking of having a disco, the following is a post from Mark Ferrell, a respected advocate of mobile DJs, on the subject of wedding DJs and the perception of them by the public.

“The public thinks that many wedding DJs all do the same thing and at the same level of proficiency. Based on what they’ve seen, they don’t expect much. That’s why they want to pay the average price or “going rate”. And for that reason, most wedding DJ services charge about the same price, varying by only a few hundred dollars.

In many instances, brides and grooms don’t think the entertainment is very important because they haven’t seen a DJ that can really deliver quality entertainment. So they get the cheapest DJ that can play the best music. Sometimes they forgo having a DJ and instead use an iPod or no entertainment whatsoever.”

If you’ve never hired a DJ before it’s easy to think of them as a commodity and all much of a muchness, after-all, they just play music right?! so not much to think about. But as with most things in life there can be a huge diversity in what is available, ranging from kids just starting out trying to get a bit of DJ experience and charging a couple of hundred pounds through to the seasoned professionals charging ten times that amount but who will create an incredibly unique experience, as summed up again by Mark Ferrell:

“The only reason to pay more for something – anything – is because you are getting more/better. Dinner, cars, real estate, entertainment, anything.

People will buy a BMW over a Hyundai because of quality – they are getting a better car. Not everyone will afford a BMW, granted, but they still recognize it as a better car that they would prefer to have. Generally speaking, people want better stuff.”

There is a service for all budgets. From the guy that you book but never meet until they turn up on the night and they play music for 3 or 4 hours, to the other end of the scale, where they will meet with you 2 or 3 times before the wedding itself and even attend the rehearsals. They’ll really get to know you, and ensure they have a thorough understanding of the vision you want to create for your day, and will assist you throughout the wedding day, from the ceremony onwards,  ensuring that the whole day is completely personalised and very unique.

A good rule of thumb is to allocate at least 10% of the total budget towards your wedding entertainment. If you would like me to send you information on my services please do get in touch, or why not subscribe to the weekly issues of Wedding Tips that I email, for lots of tips that you may find useful in planning your wedding, not just on entertainment, but on other areas of wedding planning too.

To finish with, some stats from a magazine called Bride and Groom.

Bridal magazine research has found wedding guests remember the entertainment more than anything else. Surprising then, the happy couple sometimes spend more on chair covers and skimp on entertainment. When the wedding favours cost more than the DJ, it’s no surprise the party is average!

  • The vast majority say they would have spent more of their budget on the entertainment.
  • During wedding planning, Brides say their highest priority is their attire, followed by the reception site and caterer – reception entertainment is among the least of their priorities.
  • Within one week after their reception, 78% of Brides say they would have made the entertainment their highest priority!
  • 72% of all brides say they would have spent more time choosing their reception entertainment.
  • When asked 81% of guests say the thing they remember most about a wedding is the entertainment.
  • 65% of all couples that chose a band to entertain at their wedding, said, if they had it to do over again, they would have chosen a DJ.
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Breaking the ice

Posted on February 10, 2012 by Tony

At many weddings, it’s often only the bride and bridegroom, plus 1 or 2 other people that will know almost everyone attending and there are usually many guests that don’t know many of the other guests. For the gregarious and extroverts this isn’t a problem as they have no problem in just starting conversations with all and sundry but many people are quite a bit more reserved and don’t find that so easy.

There are a number of ways to break the ice and help your friends and family members very quickly and easily get to know those they haven’t yet met. One way is to have a Receiving Line, a tradition that is quite common in the USA but happens rarely at most UK weddings. The way it works: The bride, bridegroom and bridal party line up at the entrance to the room for the wedding breakfast. All of the guests then greet each member of the bridal party before they enter the room. This can then be coupled together with a Grand Entrance which again is carried out at most American weddings. After all of the guests have taken their seats each member of the bridal party is given a special introduction by the Master of Ceremonies and they walk into the room accompanied by a special/appropriate piece of music. The introduction can be formal, humourous, cheeky and sometimes might include a nickname for that person. The last people introduced into the room are the bride and bridegroom and they are given a very special introduction and special piece of music and given a standing ovation and rapturous applause by the guests as they enter the room.

Another way of breaking the ice is by the use of some games. One such game is called Words of Wisdom. The Words of Wisdom cards are placed on every table and the guests are asked to write their words of wisdom for a long and happy marriage. Some of the answers will be cheeky, some will be naughty and some will be quite touching. The Master of Ceremonies collects all of the cards and reads out a few of them. With each one that he reads he asks the person that wrote it to stand. So if for example the card being read out is from the brides uncle Frank, when Frank stands and it’s announced who he is, all of the grooms family get to know Frank’s name which makes it easier to strike up a conversation at the bar later, especially if his Words of Wisdom were quite funny or touching. This game serves many purposes; it’s a perfect ice-breaker but it can also be quite hilarious. It’s often done after the meal and speeches or sometimes done during the evening buffet. At the end of the game I usually place all of the cards in a special presentation box and give it to the bride and bridegroom which make for some great memories when they go through and read all of them after the wedding.

There are a few variations of the Words of Wisdom game that can work just as well.

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The Best Wedding DJ!

Posted on February 1, 2012 by Tony

Recently I met with a couple to discuss their wedding day and for them to possibly book my services. They told me of the type of wedding they were looking for, the type of atmosphere they wanted to create if possible, the things they’d seen at friends weddings that they really liked and also the things they’d seen they didn’t like at all. After listening to what they wanted I explained how I might be able to help, and the way I work and some of the services I offer. We went through the timeline they’d prepared and I was able to offer them a few suggestions on the timings and a few other things. At the end of the meeting I gave them a quote for how much it would cost and left it with them to discuss.

The following day they called me back to say they were really excited to use me and loved the sound of some of the services I’d offered and wanted to book. We then chatted a little further, and the bride-to-be mentioned that they’d previously spoken with another DJ who had told them that he was “The Best Wedding DJ!” and was quite unequivocal in stating that, yet he wasn’t interested in meeting with them or finding out more about their day and what they wanted etc., which was one of the reasons they decided not to book him.
Later on I was thinking about the statement the DJ had made, that he was “The Best Wedding DJ”! It seems such an absurd statement to make for so many reasons.

If you’re a good DJ then you’ll have a busy diary and not so much time to view other DJs performing. There are so many DJs around; it wouldn’t be possible to view them all if your own diary is busy, so therefore how would any DJ truly know if they were better than very other DJ?
Even if you did view a DJ working, if the age group at that particular wedding was quite young, you’d have no idea how good/bad the DJ might be with a much older crowd for example, which then means you’d need to view a DJ quite a few times to truly have a good measure of their ability.

If you asked 100 people to list 10 things that defined a good wedding DJ you’d probably get all sorts of different replies because it’s so subjective and there can be no agreed defining rules. No DJ can be an expert in every music genre, and the music is different at every wedding depending on the average age range, music tastes, cultural makeup of the crowd, amount of time available for the dancing section (some weddings it might only be 1 1/2 hours if things are running late, at others it might be 5 hours).
Some DJs will state they won so and so competition, which I find to be quite hollow, although I guess most clients wouldn’t know that. How on earth would a judging panel be able to visit each DJ that had entered, at their events, numerous times? And if it was a competition where DJs just perform in front of a judging panel and not an actual wedding crowd, that would just be farcical, how can a wedding DJ be truly judged on a performance of less than a few hours to an empty room/non-wedding crowd with completely different dynamics?!

Some people prefer a DJ that has a great personality and makes humorous comments on the microphone, others hate that so should the DJ talk a lot, not much, not at all?
Some like a DJ that is an expert mixer and can give the wedding a real club vibe, others have no interest in whether the DJ can do that or not.
Many people can’t stand cheesy music and prefer not to hear too much at a wedding, yet there are just as many people with the opposite view and who love to hear cheesy music at weddings.
Is four slow songs for couples in one night far too much, far too little, just right? Who’s right?
Similarly what is the right number of Motown songs, or R&B, or current chart hits, or rock & roll etc., who’s right, who’s wrong?
Should the DJ play every guest request?
Some DJs have a huge number of lights while others will have a much more minimalistic elegant setup.

And I haven’t even touched upon the volume levels, the sound quality, the customer service offered before the event, and whether the client felt they had peace of mind about the DJ they’d chosen in the lead up to the wedding and many other things.

To me it’s completely farcical to claim to be “The best DJ” and for some of the above reasons there is no DJ award/competition that is worth its salt.

I’d suggest that the best way to try to get an idea of whether a DJ is right for your wedding is to meet with them, ask them questions, see if they understand the type of day that you would like, see whether you like their personality, to see whether you’re just another client and this is just another “gig” to them, to gauge their attitude to what they do, to see whether you may be on the same page with music for example, ask if you can contact some of their previous clients, and that way you’ll have a much better idea of whether that DJ is the right fit for you, do you really feel comfortable and at ease with that DJ that they’ll give you what you want? To book a DJ just based on what they say/claim on their website/emails is taking a huge chance?!

I’m not right for every client, nor do I want to work for a client that I didn’t feel comfortable with which is another reason I think it’s essential to meet with every prospective client. If I don’t feel I’m on the same page as the couple I’m talking with then I’d rather not accept the booking, and would prefer to recommend other DJs to them, that may be a better fit.

This is my full time business and what I do to live, but I also do it because I love it, I have a passion for it. I want every wedding I do to be fantastic, not just to satisfy my ego and hear lots of compliments afterwards, but so that I continue to enjoy what I do, and because I get a great feeling knowing I gave that couple a fantastic wedding day, that they and their guests will remember for a very long time, and that in turn will also see some of their guests wanting to book me for their future events.

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Enjoy what you do

Posted on January 28, 2012 by Tony

This article follows on from “The Public Perception of DJs” and focuses on the actual enjoyment of DJ’ing.

As mentioned in that article, the perception of Wedding DJs is often pretty poor with some people thinking that all wedding DJs play tracks along the lines of Agadoo, Jive Bunny and the Birdie song all night and babble inanely between every song cracking jokes in poor taste. I know a lot of top class DJs that concentrate on the wedding market and know that perception to be very inaccurate,  although the description of DJs given in the opening sentence do still exist and are often the DJs that do it for a bit of cash in hand, have no insurance, don’t have any type of contract/booking form and aren’t really bothered whether their clients have a great day or not.

I actually really enjoy performing at weddings as it’s a real challenge and provides a huge buzz when you can overcome all the challenges that are often encountered and yet still manage to fill the dancefloor for most of the night.

The challenges include:

  • Some people stuffing themselves during the meal and simply not feeling like dancing while waiting for the food to digest.
  • Family & friends that haven’t seen each other for many years and wanting to catch up on old times and talking for hours.
  • Auntie Agnes wanting to only hear music from the 50′s and 60′s.
  • Young Liam who wants the latest chart hits and is bored by anything else.
  • The mid-20 something’s that want the latest club hits and club mixes.
  • The former uni kids requesting Indie music.
  • Relatives that have flown in from abroad and want music from where they live that no one else knows.
  • There can also be challenges such as a really hot day (OK, I know we’re in England but it does happen occasionally!), and when that’s combined with a beautiful venue with incredible views, then naturally people like to stand outside in the sun enjoying the view.
  • When the bar is in a different room, that also makes it that little bit harder for the DJ, as people, OK, men! love to congregate around the bar.
However, when you can overcome all of those challenges and keep the dancefloor full with everyone having a great time and lots of people smiling, laughing and having fun there is no feeling to touch it, to the point where sometimes it can take hours to come down from a high like that, and a huge sense of achievement, and even though I’ve been doing this for many years and have done over 2,000 weddings, I still enjoy it enormously.
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The last dance!

Posted on January 27, 2012 by Tony

You’ve had a fantastic day. The weather, conversation, food have all been perfect, you’ve had lots of fun, you and your guests have now been dancing and laughing all night. How do you now end the night? and how on earth are you going to manage to say goodbye to all of your guests that are still here! It seems hardly anyone has left- they’ve been having too much fun!

There is a way that you can combine all of that; i.e. have a fun end to the night and also say goodbye to everyone in the room at the same time!

Have a friendship circle (also known as a circle of love or wedding circle). The way it works? Your DJ makes an announcement asking everyone in the room to form a huge circle in the middle of the dancefloor, with everyone either holding hands or arms around the person either side of them. The bride and bridegroom then go around everyone in the circle saying goodbye to each of them and a quick hug and chat with every person in the room. The DJ meanwhile plays a lively song that gets everyone dancing and singing (at the end of the night most people love to have a good singsong!).

It works best though if the bride and groom start at one point in the circle and then go in opposite directions. The reason is because when they both go around the circle together, the circle quickly disintegrates, whereas when the bride goes in one direction and the groom goes in the opposite direction the circle stays together. They’ll then pass each other at one point and meet back at the starting point, although they won’t necessarily arrive back at the same time!

I’ve found that by doing it this way the circle doesn’t disintegrate and everyone gets an opportunity to have a hug and say goodbye to both the bride and groom and have a good singsong at the same time and is always a great way to end a great day.

Alternative options to end the night.

The Wedding Arch: Is where your guests make two lines facing each other with their arms raised forming an arch, usually from the dancefloor towards the exit doors. The bride and groom then walk slowly through this arch saying goodbye to every person before they leave. Traditionally, the bride and bridegrooms parents will be the first 2 couples in the arch, followed by the best man, chief bridesmaid and other members of the bridal party. Once the bride and groom have passed by the first parents, the parents then follow them through the arch, then followed by the bridal party, until you have everyone following the bride and groom through the arch and out of the room to wish them farewell.
This works best if the bride and groom will be leaving the reception before the end of the night, but doesn’t work so well when that’s not the case.

Some people though will have a slow/romantic song to end the night, which is sometimes the first dance played again. This is a less lively ending for the whole crowd but a more personal ending for the bride and groom and after-all it is their day.

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Destroy It Yourself!

Posted on January 22, 2012 by Tony

The following is a blog post from a DJ in the USA who kindly gave me permission to reproduce this here.

I received the following email by a good friend, a superb local wedding photographer, detailing some of the events of a wedding they had recently worked. As someone involved in the industry, they know the value of quality vendors doing the job they are paid to do. However, in this so-called “down economy”, and with occasional terrible advice from bridal websites, couples are often looking to save money on their big day.

What this shows, I think, is that some corners shouldn’t be cut. At between only 3-5% of the total budget, good entertainment is not only vital, but has an effect on the other important vendors at a wedding, and on the job they do.

Enjoy, if that’s the right word – but it’s hard not to feel for the couple…

“As a wedding professional, I’ve learned over the years that paying people to do what they do well is really worth every penny. I have a great hairstylist, she does a great job and I pay her for it. I take great wedding pictures,but I haven’t a clue on graphic design, so I pay a webmaster to do a great job. And while I understand very well the need to economize in “This Economy” let me share a true story from a wedding I photographed.

Let’s just call it “The Brother with the iPod”

It starts at the reception. After the cocktail hour the banquet coordinator talks to the bride and the groom about being “announced in” to the wedding reception. This is common fare, part of the DJ’s job is to also to be “Master of Ceremony” or MC for the event. Wrangling partying and drunken wedding parties into one spot is more difficult than you can imagine, and the ones who do it well always command my respect before a strain of YMCA is heard.

The bride has no idea if she is being announced in, and directs the banquet coordinator to The Brother with the iPod. He has no idea. He’s supposed to do what? And when? And what should he say? The coordinator tells him to just say something generic like “Announcing Barbie and Ken Smith!”. So the brother goes to the mike stand, and makes the announcement.
~ He doesn’t ask for everyone’s attention
~He makes the announcement while people are talking and mingling not only in the hall, but also when they are in the bar in the next room
~The bride and groom, confused, come in a different door than the videographer and I are at, poised to capture the moment.
~We scramble to the other side of the room to get the shot while a confused bride and groom come into a smattering of applause.

The banquet coordinator herds the rest of the group in and everyone is seated for dinner. There is nothing but the noise of clattering china, coughing, and the lingering looks from people wondering what they are to do next. The coordinator asks me “Is there dinner music?” I reply that I have no idea, that’s not really my area. She locates the brother at the bar, asks if there is dinner music, and he says “Uh…I hadn’t planned on any” So for nearly three hours we were treated to the soft muffled strains of Muzak over the main sound system for the hotel.

90 minutes after the meal, the bride and groom stand at the bar. They can’t be blamed, they are chatting, having fun, and when you are a bride and groom you have no sense of time, everything is a blur. Meanwhile, their guests have been fed, caked and coffeed for a good hour and the natives are starting to get restless. I approach them to talk to them about the time line that they had initially shared with me is running a bit late, and when were they planning on starting the first dance? They have no idea. Brother has no idea. I tell them that it’s fine, but as we had discussed, overtime charges would begin for me in 1 hour. They look panicked, they booked my smaller package for a reason, and based on the time line they gave me, they SHOULD have been able to easily fit everything in. But without having someone to help with the festivities, things were behind for more than an hour at this point. They responded that they still had to go to tables to greet, what should they do? I told them that I would stay until their specialty dances were over at the overtime rate we discussed. They agreed.

2 hours later, nearly 3.5 hours after the end of dinner the Mother of the Bride approaches me very annoyed that dancing hasn’t started. I tell her that the bride and groom are still greeting, and she says “Well where is brother!” People are leaving, they are sick of sitting around! We need to get the party started!” Brother is located at the bar in the other room. He comes in, fires up the laptop and the bride and groom are poised on the dance floor. At this point, he looks over to the bride and groom and says “What song did you want?”

I nearly drop 10K worth of camera equipment onto the parquet floor.

The bride responds in an annoyed tone the name of the song, snarling “I emailed you that was the song I wanted”. Brother replies he never got the email. A small sibling spat arises on the dance floor. It’s discovered that brother does not have that song in his iTunes playlist. But hey, no problem, he’ll download it right now. Except for one small thing….itunes does not sell that particular song. The bride is bereft. This was “their”song, it’s not a popular tune and she wants it. So the call goes out to everyone with an iPhone/iPod to see if they have the song. After 15 more minutes it is discovered that no one does. An enterprising groomsman finds the tune on YouTube, and the first dance begins, about 45 minutes after it was supposed to. I take a deep breath, begin photographing the happy couple….

And then…oh holy hell, it’s You Tube. They forgot about the buffering.

So for the entire duration of the song, about every 8 seconds, there is a 5 second pause. The bride is in tears, and not the happy kind. I’m in a quandary as to if I should photograph this, if she is going to want to relieve this moment and wonder if these photographs will be admissible in court when the bride kills the brother over the crappy job he did at her wedding. She was equally as gloomy in the Father Daughter dance that did not have the song she wanted. This is followed by the Mother Son, and the speaker quality is terrible. The people in the back of the room have no idea that the dance is going on, and there is a cacophony of talking and laughing during the specialty dances.

I leave 2.5 hours after my scheduled contracted time. Overtime charges are $250 per hour, so they’ve just spent $625 for me to photograph what could have been photographed in less than 15 minutes. I’m not even happy to make the extra money at this point, because it was not time well spent, but I have to charge all my clients in the same fair manner. I have to pay overtime for my assistant, and more pictures means more production time, etc. We talked in-depth at the pre wedding consultation about the time line they had arranged, but without help of a professional, that time line went all to hell.

When I left the reception at 11PM not ONE SINGLE dance song had been played, and the hall rental was until midnight. I can’t help but think that $625 would have gone a long way towards a good DJ and not of some photos of events they won’t really even want to remember.”

 

So, yeah – it’s easy for DJs to take issue with iPod weddings, we have an axe to grind, right? What this shows is that while SOME weddings really only need background music – where an iPod would be perfect – others NEED a pro, who knows how to structure the night so that everyone – vendors, guests, and obviously the happy couple – has the best time. Food for thought when it comes to preparing a budget…

You can find the original post here: http://scottishdj.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/diy-wedding-destroy-it-yourself/

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